Detachment 101 & Why It’s Key in Feminine Energy

Hello gorgeous. If you’re new to my website, welcome and thank you for being here! XX 

If you’ve been following my content for a while, you know I can talk about the power of detachment until I am blue in the face. I even have an entire section on this topic in my new book. Why am I so passionate about it? 

On a personal level, I find a lot of value in this topic because before I learned how to detach, I was like a piece of metaphorical driftwood in the ocean of life. I could be tossed from one side to the other depending on how another person felt or events that happened. 

Then I learned the power in letting go of control – and it actually helped me build self-esteem. I learned that detachment is a huge part to levelling up and becoming HER…AKA, that high-value version of you that gets what she wants in life and in relationships. That girl who is secure in herself and somehow gets everyone to be obsessed with her without even trying or caring that much. 

What’s her secret? Spoiler alert…she has mastered the art of detachment. 

That said, in today’s blog, I want to dig a bit deeper into this topic and address some common questions: 

• What even is detachment? 
• Why is it a key tool in harnessing your feminine energy? 
• Where do you start when detaching and how does it help build your self-esteem? 

Let’s get into it, shall we? 

What is detachment? 

Before we define this term, we need to understand something: Detachment is the opposite of attachment. 

So, let’s begin by looking at the definition of attachment, in terms of relationships: An emotional or psychological bond that an individual forms with another person. 

When you become attached to a person that is not for you, or has not yet proven to you they are serious about you, you will self-sabotage that relationship. In other words, if you are attached to a man before he falls in love with you, you will deter him. 

Women make this mistake all the time. We tend to quickly attach to the idea of him rather than the reality of him. We obsess over when he will text us back and try to control the outcome of the relationship. 

Unfortunately, the need to control manifests into chasing him, which he then runs from. Please, please never chase a man, I can’t say it enough. 

Instead, my loves, master the art of detachment.

I want to share an excerpt from my book to define detachment:

 “Detachment is not completely disregarding or ignoring your feelings but instead about understanding. You can’t control what your partner does and the events that happen to you to a certain degree BUT you can control how you react.

Detachment is the conscious acknowledgement that you cannot control other people and you will drive yourself crazy if you try. In trying to do it – checking someone’s phone, for example, looking through their messages, generally trying to control – you’re actually hurting yourself.”   

This concept of letting go, of giving up the need to control, can be applied to more than just relationships. Ultimately, it’s about creating a sanctuary within yourself that is so rich, so sacred, that you do not NEED any other person or external circumstance to give you validation. You already have it within you. 

How detachment helps you tap into feminine energy 

This security, this freedom to detach and let go, in essence, is the root of unlocking your powerful feminine energy. The more you detach from other people and external outcomes, the more you hone in on yourself. And making YOU your FIRST priority, my love, is the key to tapping into your magic – your feminine power. 

Because what are the foundations of feminine energy, after all? Security in yourself, happiness, knowing your worth, radical self-acceptance and self-love. It’s about understanding that YOU are your most valuable passion project, and you get to decide what you want in life, how you present yourself, and how you show up in the world. 

Once you detach from worrying about HIM all the time, his needs, if he’s eaten lunch today, if his tummy is feeling okay, why he hasn’t called you, why he’s not cleaning up after himself…and start focusing on YOU, something magical happens. All of a sudden, he’s paying attention to you now, too. 

This concept goes beyond romantic relationships, too. Have you ever found yourself becoming completely hyper-fixated and attached to a job that doesn’t notice or appreciate your hard work? Or a friend that isn’t inviting you to hang out? Or even a mistake you made last week that is consuming you? 

Let them go, separate your present from the past, and be okay with people not liking you. Self-acceptance and self-love involve never chasing what doesn’t want you back but instead, loving yourself enough to walk away when needed. That’s how you tap into your superpower, girl. 

How to detach: 3 fundamental rules 

To recap, I will leave you with these three key rules as you begin to practice detachment.

1. Do not chase what is not for you. Absolutely never chase a man or relationship that has shown you they do not care or want you back.  If you find yourself completely attached to a man who is not in love with you, I offer the following tip: Come back to YOU. Start chasing yourself and your own happiness. Which leads me to my next rule…
   
   
2. Create a sanctuary within yourself. Transform yourself into your own passion project. Instead of worrying about what he’s doing, ask yourself: What are my goals? What is it that I want in this life? Who am I cultivating? How am I growing myself? 
   
   Get busy with journaling, meditating, creating a vision board…become obsessed with the idea of where you are going and who it is you are. Sit with yourself for a bit and ask yourself how to make yourself happy and fulfilled. 
   
   
3. Let go of what you can’t control. You were born as you and you are responsible for you, not them. You cannot control anyone but yourself, and how you react to things. And you are not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. 

If that friend isn’t inviting you to dinner with the girls, let them go and have their fun. So what? Do you really want to go somewhere you are not wanted? What can you control in this scenario? You can make other plans. 

Ready to become HER?  

In conclusion, I would like to share one more excerpt from my book that I hope serves as a reminder and aids you in your detachment journey… 

“I am not for everyone. That is so fine. You should not aim to be liked at all. After all, if everyone likes you perhaps you don’t stand for much? Or maybe you are working too hard to appease everyone. It is okay to lose people on the journey of becoming who you were meant to be. Surely you want to be for some people and not for everybody, and I think that’s part of the fun and progress of womanhood. You might be the ripest peach but not everyone likes peaches.”

This quote is taken from The New Rules, a book I authored that discusses this subject in depth, with personal examples and tools you can use to detach and become the best version of yourself. If you would like to learn more on detachment, feminine energy, confidence, and dating and relationships, please find the link here to The New Rules.